What you need to know for Marriage

The epidemic of extravagant weddings is seeping into our culture in an unmistakable way. Turn on the TV at any given time and you will find a plethora of shows centered on the concept of achieving the so-called perfect wedding. The wedding planning process includes finding the perfect dress, landing the perfect reception hall, making sure you’ve got the right flowers, food, cake, music, wedding party, DJ, photographer, centerpieces, invitations, ceremony, rings, shoes and more. While there is no doubt that there is value in celebrating such a sacred day, is it possible that in our celebration- sometimes we miss the focus?

Although fewer young people are getting married today than ever before, research suggests that getting and staying married is one of the best things you can do for yourself. As the New York Times recently concluded, "being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single — particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises."

So here are some tips and facts that you should establish before getting married with your beloved one.

1)    Do you love him/her or just the idea of being married?

You don’t want to marry Mr. I-Suppose-He’s-Right just because you’re caught up in bridal excitement, or because it seems like the logical next step or because everyone you know is tying the knot. To be sure it’s the guy you want, and not just the Mrs. title, psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, suggests asking yourself these questions: Can you imagine any other man in your wedding/honeymoon/married life plans? Would you still want to marry your guy if it was just the two of you at the courthouse? Think carefully about your answers before taking the next step.

2)    Have the children talk on time. Not too soon nor too late.

Do you want them? If so, how many? If not, are you sure enough about that decision to take permanent steps to ensure you don't have them (like a vasectomy)? If you do want them, when do you want to have your first? Are you open to adoption or fertility treatments if you're unable to conceive naturally? How long do you want to try to conceive naturally before trying different options?

3)    Don’t rush into anything, before you reach the right age.

A 2014 University of Pennsylvania study found that Americans who cohabitate or get married at age 18 have a 60% divorce rate. But people who waited until 23 to make either of those commitments had a divorce rate around 30%."All of the literature explained that the reason people who married younger were more likely to divorce was because they were not mature enough to pick appropriate partners," the Atlantic reports.

4)    Eventually you realize that you're not one person.

Once you start living together, you realize that you have different priorities and tolerances — like, for instance, what does or doesn't consitute a mess. "People have to come to terms with the reality that 'we really are different people,'" says couples therapist Ellyn Bader. "'You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests."

There are many more issues that you need to establish such as the financial situation of each individual. Final and most important advice, whatever you do, don’t rush it.


By: Nancy Baker | General | Oct 17 2016
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